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MY personal experience

When I was a kid, my mom was a social worker (and part saint). I remember waiting at her office while she, in my mind, played with other kids. Though my mom didn’t do anything wrong, the experience deeply imprinted on my sensitive and developing mind. I created the belief that other kids were more important than me. As an adult I could intellectually reason with myself. Telling myself that this wasn’t the actual case, but my subconscious brain had latched onto and held this belief for decades. Threading it into my identity, making it difficult to believe anything otherwise. I found myself waiting my turn, by “behaving” and allowing others to go first. After all, I could wait. On one hand this was rewarding because others appreciated and even relied this easy-going characteristic. However, over time, it was destroying my self-worth. 

By always waiting for someone to tell me it was my turn and by allowing others to take priority, I was relaying to my subconscious that I wasn’t as important or valuable. Which meant my ideas, problems, voice, needs etc. weren’t as important.

Once I identified my subconscious belief, I isolated the sensations that were aroused when circumstances would present the pattern opportunity again. This is where I would remind myself of my new belief; discharging the old energy sensation & messaging and implementing new energy sensation & messaging. Regulated, the next step was to act! To do something different in order to present and practice a new path for the brain to follow. A new belief is formed and a new trajectory is accessed!

Here are my journal notes:

  • What am I doing or not doing?
    • Waiting my turn, letting others go first.
  • How has this behavior manifested a pattern in my life?
    • I’ve been giving others my energy and time as a priority over myself.

What has this told me on a subconscious level? I’m not as valuable or as important in the world. Neither are my gifts, talents, work or presence. 

What is a new belief & behavior I want to connect to?: I AM important and valuable

  • What can I do now to practice this new belief / behavior?
    • Go after______ – the thing you’ve been waiting to get permission/approval/validation to do. 
    • NOTE: I prepared myself to take big bold steps by taking small and uncomfortable but doable steps. For instance, I paused some of my manners for a period of time. When at the grocery store I stopped offering people who had less items to go ahead of me at the check-out. It felt awful. But it was an action my nervous system could more easily adjust to. Eventually this built my resiliency and prepared me to walk away from the bigger and scarier things.
  • How will this feel? Expansive, empowering, exciting, possible.

  “Walk out of the waiting room”

I would use this statement whenever I felt the physiological sensations – trigger indicators, rising. I learned to enlist the sensations as my allies, telling me that I’m at risk of slipping into old protective, performative or preservative patterns. I would also use it when I was about to make a decision or take action outside of my normal behaviour.

Remember, we are all layered and complex beings. Not all situations call for the same “Trajectory Statement”. For me there are days when I need to “walk out of the room”. While on others I take wise words from my late aunt: “pull your shoulders back and walk straight into the centre of the room”.

I’m here to help. If you’re looking to dig deeper into your patterns, behaviours or limiting beliefs, book me for 1:1 coaching. The discovery call is complimentary.